Saturday: Waiting and Still Waiting

When you wake up with nothing to do, and when you go to bed knowing that when you wake up you'll have nothing to do - it can depress the hell out of you to Holden Caufield type proportions. 

You wake up. Eat some oatmeal. Fall back asleep. Wake up and drink some coffee. Fall back asleep. Wake up and eat some chicken pot pie. And in between all this sleeping and eating you pick and choose between what to watch on the boob tube.

Did you know that the origin of calling a TV a boob tube is the fact that they used to - or maybe still are - made with cathode ray tubes.  And that if you watch too much of it you turn into a boob. For more information on this type of transformation just consult the beautifully illustrated and classic Children's book by Chris Van Allsburg entitled The Wretched Stone. 

Sorry. I got side tracked. It's easy to do that on Wikipedia. Chris Van Allsburg books should be a whole 'nother blog for another Saturday.

I've got to hand it to Tim Tebow and the University of Florida Gators! Wow. What a game!  I'll admit that I was pretty arrogant going into the game.  The final score was closer than the one I had envisioned. That's OK, though.  I suppose eight games of winning by at least 28 points is good enough of a streak. These Florida Gators are amazing and Tim Tebow is by far the MVP of the entire NCAA. 

(This is where I exploit my latent homosexual tendencies) I fully believe that there is no other quarterback that could step in and do what he does. The guy is an incredible role model. Every interview he is so humble, and he always has so much pride in being able to give all the glory to God. His on field play is unrivaled.  The power with which he runs.  The intelligence he exuberates when he passes.  And the intensity and passion in which he does all things on and off the field. I'm happy for the guy.  I truly am. I can't wait to see his life progress. I used to be a despicable douchebag when it came to Tim. I'll admit that I had something against him because he was such a golden boy, but now I admire him so much that I've actually come to peace with the idea of him ravaging my girlfriend.  Hell. I'd be honored. 

I would, however, expect her to try her hardest to get pregnant because those child support checks would come in handy. And when that man-boy got to the 6th grade and began to tower over me, with a much larger penis and testicles and a canon for an arm - I would tell him the truth - maybe. 

The point of all that was - Tim Tebow is the man and the Gators are the SEC Champions and soon to be the BCS National Champions for the second time in three years.

So back to the other "winners" of my viewing attention.  I watched some scattered episodes of King of Queens: AKA a good representation of my future - you know, just a whole lot of little one liners and lots of sarcasm.  I watched some True Life episodes about three dudes who went to Iraq and came back with some post traumatic stress.  I did a project on that in high school. That's besides the point. I mean, who hasn't for crying out loud.

And then I watched the Lifetime premier of Flirting With 40. 1) I'm probably gay for watching Lifetime. 2) The values that channel represents are just completely out of wack.  In not so many words, the plot goes something like this: Heather Locklear - making a comeback after her recent DUI troubles - is a hot (yes) just-turned-40 year old professional who is divorced with two kids. So she goes on this little birthday vacation by herself to Hawaii and hooks up with this buff (yes) mid-20's surf instructor. Over the course of the next few months she begins to neglect her work and kids to make regular trips halfway around the world to have relations with this guy.  All the while she's a hero of the feminist for being independent. The End. Sheesh.

Which brings me to the last thing I've watched. The wonderful cult comedy Waiting.  This movie might just make it onto my "Comedy Top Ten" list. That list actually doesn't exist, but if it did then - well that movie might make it onto it. I'm just saying. It's that good. When I wasn't in an uproar of laughter - which is really rare if I'm by myself - I was partially inspired. Maybe inspired isn't the right word, but it'll suffice. Just a great cast. What isn't there to love about Ryan Reynolds? Justin Long captures that "I've gotta get out of here and live up to my potential" feeling that I've suffered from since about 11th grade.  Dane Cook is interchangeable with Mike Atkins and his small role provides much enjoyment. And then there's the fact that even Andy Milonakis was able to make me chuckle a bit. He's never been able to do that under his own comic guise. Also, what makes Waiting so awesome is the fact that it is often stated as a dead-on representation of the restaurant worker life.

So boy was I ecstatic to learn that there will in fact be a sequel. Still Waiting. And although it will be absent of Ryan Reynolds, I suspect that it will still be rich in entertainment value.

So now that this posting is coming to a conclusion where am I? Where are you after having read this? I'm afraid I may have just wasted a few good moments of your life. I'm sure you had more important things to do than to read my non-eventful ramblings - especially since there wasn't any underlying theme or any edifying statements. This last paragraph wrapping up the posting still doesn't even correctly culminate it.

Back to the first question - where am I? Another day wasted. Still feeling like I'm stuck in a rut. I've still got this crazy notion that I could someday do some acting.  Any minute now I'm going to start writing this short story/screenplay idea I've got in mind. I think it's quite good.  Usually I have this terrible problem when it comes to my writing. I've got great character development - in my opinion, of course - but I have trouble with the conflicts. The conflict in a story happens to be a rather large portion, so that's the problem. Unless you're writing Napoleon Dynamite. Don't get me wrong. Napoleon had its funny moments, too.  So anywho.  I've got a conflict. I've got some character development.  I think I'm set to begin writing.