Sunday, February 8, 2009

Nick & Norah's Infinite Suckass List

I know. I know. Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist has been out of theatres for quite some time, but it just came out on DVD in Blockbuster on the 4th of February. I couldn't understand why a Blockbuster new release would only have one shelf of movies. Usually new releases get an entire wall. Now I know, and I had to start writing quickly while all of it's "suck-ness" is still fresh in my mind.

Terrible movie. Where to start? I'll start with love. I love Michael Cera. Of course he hasn't ever played a role outside of "awkward teenager" in a coming of age tale. He plays them so incredibly well, though. It's like Leonardo Dicaprio in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?". Who could have played a better Arnie? So with the exception of a very few lines from Cera in his typical fashion, the movie was horrible in many respects. So many, in fact, that I probably won't even be able to touch base on them all.

I'll get this one out of the way real quick. Kat Dennings - the actress that played Norah - is incredibly unattractive. That's shallow. I realize this, but it's bad. I seriously almost didn't rent this movie at all based solely on the fact that I didn't want to have to look at her. It's her pale skin. Her big forehead. Her hair seems to lack health. Her breasts are so bulky and without good form. Her lips have a mind of their own and are way too bright with that lipstick. And finally, her teeth are unfortunate. And she's actually been able to get into some pretty big movie roles. She was in Down in the Valley with Edward Norton, she was in House Bunnys, Charlie Bartlett, and she's going to be in a minor role in a new Jeff Daniel's indie flick that I'm looking forward to called Arlen Faber.

They really should have gotten Ellen Page to play side-by-side with Michael Cera again. She's attractive, quarky, and they seemed to have some great on film chemistry.

 Now onto the actual character's flaws. Wait. Actually, I'll point out some "in general" things wrong with everyone's character in the movie.

All of the kids in this movie are supposed to be in high school, however...however they have stayed up all night in New York City just drinking alcohol, getting into underground night clubs, driving all over the city, making out with anyone and everyone, and you can't forget the scene where Nick's ex-girlfriend is doing a striptease for him in his headlights while he is parked down by the Hudson River. I've been out of high school for three and a half years and I've barely experienced any of that kind of shennanigans - and I've done some shit - let me assure you of that. Again, another blog for another day.

There were just so many things in this movie that just aren't right for high school kids - let alone anyone. This includes the large amount of homosexuality that appeared in the film. Nick's bandmates weren't only gay, but they were treating New York City as a smorgasbord of homosexuality - which I guess it is - but highly inappropriate.

I didn't like that Norah said that she had dated "Tall" for 3 years and she's supposed to be playing a 17 year old in the movie. That's sick. Norah told Nick that that night was her first time kissing anyone. And she kissed two people. Nick and "Tall". I'm guessing that the point they were trying to make with all the "friends with benefits" talk between Norah and "Tall" was that her father was a big shot record producer and "Tall" was using her to get to her father. 

And the thing I severely didn't get was how much of a bitch Norah came off as. Generally in a movie like that when it starts to wind down and get to the end you start to feel some kind of sympathy for the situation and you'd want the lead girl to end up with the lead guy. This wasn't the case for this movie. It was a pathetic attempt at a love story. Even a crappy high school love story. Norah was just a huge bitch. She crashed Nick's car into a fire hydrant. She was always getting onto his case about stupid things, etc., etc. The movie didn't make me want her to end up with Nick at all. 

AND ANOTHER THING that angered me. The scene where it is being implied that Nick is fingering Norah in the studio. Horrible! Just horrible! I can't believe they would put that in there. The writers must have been trying to destroy any kind of innocence that could have stood in the movie. You got the ex-girlfriend stripping, Norah getting fingered, the bandmates hooking up with other homosexuals, the many references to Nick's ex cheating on him, and it's all very appalling.

And I think the last thing I'll mention is "what the hell is up with Where's Fluffy?" First of all, that is the stupidest band name I've ever heard. If they wanted to go with the theme of rabbits, then naming the band The White Rabbits or The Lucky Rabbit's Feet could have been pretty good, I think. Not only was the band name dumb, but why didn't anyone know where the band was playing? With such a stupid band name how were they deserving of being part of a huge riddle spread across the entire city of New York? I really didn't get it. And then it was like 6 o'clock in the morning when Norah was done getting fingered and then got that text about Where's what? The band wasn't playing until like 7 in the morning? Sheesh. Talk about a shitty script and movie.

How in the world did this movie get a 72% on! For crying out loud, Love Liza with Philip Seymour Hoffman only scored 54%! That's enough to make me want to shout out loud.

When the main joke of the movie is following the life of a piece of gum around, you know it can't be good.

The only line that I thought was clever was when Nick's ex-girlfriend says "You don't have to get over me when you can be under me." Again, though... I don't think it's good for high school-ers to be saying that to one another.

*sigh* . . . 

I was really hoping for something better. I hope Michael Cera starts branching out and doing different roles. I've heard the rumor that there's going to be an Arrested Development movie - oh boy!


Anonymous said...

1. the White Rabbits are already a fairly popular indie band.
2. sex is a large part of a teenagers life. You said you were only three years out of high school and yet you sound like my grandpa. Those kids these days with their sex!
3. plenty of teenagers are gay. Get with it yo.
4. This is the worst review I've ever read in my life.

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Alyssa :) said...

Ok I can see where you're coming from I really can. Being a teenager, I've never done any of this. I would like to ask if you're religious because you sound like it with your disdain of the homosexuality and overall theme of the movie. I'm a big fan of michael cera as well. This is the kind of movie he was born to star in. The whole point of the movie is life is short; live it. For this movie to be anything less than it is would defeat the purpose. This is my personal opinion. Thanks :)

Ms. Ally Cera :)

Brian said...

I agree with a couple of things you said but disagree with just about everything else. Michael Cera does play the same type of character in every film, but you are right that he plays it well. The part in the movie when Norah gets fingered, that did in fact ruin the innocence of the movie and should have been left out. It made Norah seem a slut. As for the band name, yes it was stupid, but I've heard worst. It does sound rather Indie to me, which is what they were going for. There was a bunch of high school kids being up all night and sexual stuff happening, though not very realistic, its a movie. Movies need some some exaggerations, if they were just like real life they would not be that fun to watch. I know some kids that lived that life style, but not to the number or extent of this film. Oh yeah, and a 17 yr old girl being in a 3 yr relationship is not far fetched at all.

One thing I disagree with you vehemently about is Kat Dennings! She is ridiculously attractive and was the only reason I even rented the movie. I wanted to see more of her in particular and she is friggin hot! Deformed breasts, really?? You lost yo mind! They are big and perfectly round. I still can't believe you said that. And all the features you named, like lips and hair, were all features I liked. She has a full head of long brown hair, very healthy looking, I don't even get the criticism on that. She is a hot curvy woman, not a stick figure like Helen Page! Don't get me wrong, I think Helen is cute but she looks like a little girl. And I didn't think Norah's character was quite that annoying. I rather liked the humorous sarcasm. Though the movie did lack a little in writing and in the love story department, I did enjoy the film.

Anonymous said...

Chuck didn't say anything about the White Rabbits not being popular. In fact, he said they should have used that name instead of Fluffy. It was Fluffy in the movie. You were wrong there... just saying. I agree with you though about the review being bad. Way too negative. I also disagree with him about Kat Dennings. I think she is pretty damn hot

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